Today I celebrate my husband's 31 years of life! I'm so glad that Don & Vikki had a bonus baby who became my husband and helped me produce 2 gorgeous boys and our Baby Hunt!
Some may not know that this is actually Baby Hunt 4.0. We found out September '08 that I was indeed pregnant with our first baby! It was quite surreal and overwhelming, especially for Monte. But just a couple months into it we found out that this Baby Hunt had stopped growing around 6.5 weeks. I would have been around 10 weeks when we found out. So around May 21, 2009 was that Baby's due date. Each year it hits me when it starts getting close that I have a child in heaven who is fortunate enough to have never felt pain and live with Jesus. But I also get hit with the pain of missing someone I never got to meet officially or see face to face. I can only imagine what this child looks like and sounds like. I can only wonder if it is a boy or a girl. Not that it matters in heaven, but my earthly mind is curious.
Some have asked if I knew why. Unfortunately, no. My main guess after being much more knowledgable and informed about pregnancy and things regarding fertility that it was probably a low progesterone issue. But it could have been a defect or abnormality probably of the heart, which begins beating just a couple of weeks after conception. God only knows. And I'm okay with that.
But I also had to deal with another hurt - the hurt of people not getting it when I told them. And it took me a long time to tell most people. Good thing I waited. This wound was fresh and open for a long time. Satan was definitely working on me to betray God and lash out at people. Bitterness and anger were trying to consume me and I had to fight those with everything I had. I even remember one Sunday soon after having to hold my communion in my hands for what seemed like eternity weeping because I couldn't honestly take it knowing I had not examined my heart and was carrying junk not yet submitted to God. I was heavy with emotional burdens of pain, sadness, grief, anger, frustration, questioning, and doubt. And one of God's sweet angels swooped in and prayed over us as she saw my agony. Bless her. Even now, being 25 weeks pregnant with our 4th baby, the pain is real and present. I'm typing through tears. And that's what many people don't get if they haven't been there.
Losing a baby in utero, especially earlier on in gestation, is sometimes viewed as "easier" than losing one later on who could be held and seen and cherished as a mother desires. I have to say that I cringe at such language as it implies less value of the babies lost earlier on, like it's not as difficult to handle. I know it's not intentional. However, I had more than one encounter where I was "encouraged" to feel a certain way because it was so early. A great read recently was from a blog of a woman who suffered losses and saw a great disconnect in how many pro-lifers treat babies to be aborted and babies who are lost by miscarriage. I encourage you take the time to read and share. We as the body of Christ need to be aware of how we speak and act towards those who lose babies before birth no matter how. And it needs to be consistent and saturated in God's love.
I can't tell you exactly how to act towards anyone you know who is suffering with this kind of loss. Every loss is unique. What I can tell you, however, is that you can never go wrong with arms that are willing to receive someone hurting and ears that are ready to listen and listen and listen. Please keep your mouth shut and assume all the questions asked as being rhetorical. Get a box of tissues or a hanky and allot a good chunk of time to just being there. Grief is not logical or rational. It hurts. And if you have kids, just pretend you lost one of yours. And then feel the hurt it would bring. That's where your friend is. It's a dark, lonely vacuum of pain. The light is present and will be noticeable soon, but until then, be that pillar of support. Bite your tongue if you feel the need to tell her how to feel (or him) or why she should be grateful. (Really???) And just be loving and gentle and there. Treat those who've lost just as if they had lost a child after years of life. It matters and it counts.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
My Heart Grows Faint
I'm having a hard time stomaching the lack of equality in our country.
Gay Hairdresser Refusing NM Governor As Client
Gay Couple Cries Discrimination
Ugandan Aid Cut Due To Anti-Gay Bill
The level of fairness and equality in expressing ourselves, even through our work, is threatened if we aren't on the right side of the issue. And the worst part of it all is that some Christians are taking too much leeway in embracing people at the expense of standing up for God's word. More on that in a moment.
This is just a snippet of the hypocrisy and how we Christians should be warned to fall prey to our ears being tickled as a way to gain public support.
Gay Hairdresser - If we review the facts, this gentleman has every right to refuse service to someone. Or at least he should. However, if the governor had called him and cancelled her appointments and said she'd never be using his services again because he's gay, there would be a firestorm of media crying "Hate!" and "Bigot!" Plus, what if the same standards were applied to him as were applied to the businesses already sued, threatened and run out of business? He would be forced to cut her hair or pay massive fines. That sounds like the freedom bells ringing, huh? One line from this last link is particularly striking stating, "It shows that tolerance is one way."
Gay Couple Cries Discrimination - Their florist and friend for 10 years is the violator in this story. She respects them, treats them with love & kindness and has never spoken ill of these great customers. But then she dare not participate in their ceremony with her services?? Outrageous and hateful. I couldn't believe this when I read it. Their backlash on social media sparked the politically expedient case against her by the Attorney General.
Ugandan Aid Cut - Now, I'm not a huge fan of what Uganda has done. And like most Americans, I haven't read the bill word for word. However, this stance on gays is still incredibly mild in comparison to all the countries who have Islamic militants who would hang or shoot gays (and Christians, for that matter) in the streets. And yet, our country still gives aid to some of these countries. Why the disconnect? I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that Uganda is considered a Christian nation. But then again, I could just be taking it out of proportion, right?
That's one thing I hear from my friends who aren't as conservative as I am. "Oh, Amy. You're taking this way too seriously." Am I? It's seeming to always go one way and not the other. It's like reparations for past discrepancies. What ever happened to just treating people like people and respecting them despite their differences? Instead it's a vengeance, a pay back for past harms. A blanket offense to anyone disagreeing.
Politically, I'm all for states' rights and respect these decisions made by the people therein. The gay marriage debate that was taken all the way up to the Supreme Court was deemed "not a federal issue". And yet federal judges are silencing the voices of each state's constituents where their gay marriage ban or traditional marriage definition is being declared unconstitutional. So that's one point. It's literally being forced into law.
Now let's connect how some Christians are getting caught up in the social expediency of accepting the argument on marriage equality. Or for those who are actually champions for their gay & lesbian friends getting married. Or even yet, those who are criticizing fellow Christians who choose to practice their faith in all they do "as if working for the Lord."
But that's still not the worst of it. I've been reading blogs and posts by some who are Christians and yet support their gay friends to get married. I'm reading how some of them are actually cussing over the fact that some of these Christian business owners aren't "showing the love of Jesus" through their services. And alas, some who didn't read a word of AZ's bill to protect religious beliefs of business owners accusing the writers as being hateful and bigoted towards gays despite words describing such no where to be found in the legislation. What message are we Christians sending? It's quite mixed, especially to the younger generations. And how else can a Christian business owner operate? Under the compulsion of the government when it's in direct conflict with his faith? Filter check, please.
I'm all for loving people as they are just like Jesus did. But Jesus often told people, "Go and sin no more" or "Your faith has healed you." These people were challenged to rise above alongside His compassion. Are we not to do the same? Are we to stand by our friends who are gay and applaud them in getting married? I guess you can take any other sin and insert it accordingly and ask yourself the same question again. Are we to stand by our friends who ________________ and applaud them in ________________? Insert "are pregnant" and "getting an abortion" or "love each other" and "are moving in together". Maybe "watch porn" and "broken relationships". No. Of course we wouldn't support any of those scenarios. Even if it was as "mild" as "cheat on their tests" and "passing Trig", we still would proclaim it as wrong. Or would we? It seems our moral compass is off. And it has nothing to do with the source of morality being skewed.
When we criticize Christians who stand up for the sake of the Gospel, we are a divided house that will not stand. I'm not saying you can blindly accept what all Christians are saying or doing, but what message does it send to those Christians when they did nothing wrong and receive backlash from those who claim the same faith? Romans 14 teaches us to be careful not to force our personal behavioral convictions on other believers who may have weaker faith. You may think they should be loving by letting their businesses be used for such events as the ones above. But what if their convictions won't let them? We'd be asking them to sin against their consciences. Or even the Holy Spirit! What's wrong with standing up for those Christians?
I've lost friends to this issue though. And it doesn't matter how mainstream we are. The Bible says in Ephesians 4 that we should "speak the truth in love." But it also warns not to expect a warm reception with the truth. In 2 Thessalonians, Paul writes that some hold to their wickedness despite knowing the truth. And in so, God allows them to believe the lie. These wicked of any kind, essentially, have a veil over their eyes that hides the truth from them. They have given themselves to Satan's lies.
And be warned, like the florist in the article above, that even your love isn't sufficient to reach some. Had she gone against her conviction she would be left with an empty faith for the sake of appeasing 2 people who are caught in the darkness. What then? Do we applaud her acceptance while she grieves the loss of her spiritual integrity? And she did the Biblical and honest thing by sharing why she couldn't. There was no regard for her faith. There was no mutual respect.
The Bible is very clear that we will have troubles in this life. Jesus warned the apostles that some will refuse to listen and cast them out of their cities. He also warned that he did not come to unite us as human family but as a heavenly one. Strife is consistent with the Christian life. Being persecuted for the faith is a joy to be celebrated to be counted worthy! If we relent on any sinful issue and would rather embrace people while not sharing the truth in love, what are we sacrificing? How are we glorifying Christ and His sacrifice through that?
Love does not equal indiscriminate support for any and every decision. Just like any good parent, the love happens automatically regardless of choices. But discipline and punishment come with decisions that are out of God's will. Let's be sure we are 100% clear on what love really is before we give lip service or "prove" our acceptance of others and whose glory we're really after. I want God to know that I pray for those who "persecute" me and reach out to them with His love when I can. I want God to see that my heart is true to His word while loving people who couldn't care less about my faith. And if I'm going to choose between honoring God and accepting someone's lifestyle of sin, whether it's gambling, fornication, cheating on their taxes or otherwise, I'm choosing God. And I don't apologize for that.
Gay Hairdresser Refusing NM Governor As Client
Gay Couple Cries Discrimination
Ugandan Aid Cut Due To Anti-Gay Bill
The level of fairness and equality in expressing ourselves, even through our work, is threatened if we aren't on the right side of the issue. And the worst part of it all is that some Christians are taking too much leeway in embracing people at the expense of standing up for God's word. More on that in a moment.
This is just a snippet of the hypocrisy and how we Christians should be warned to fall prey to our ears being tickled as a way to gain public support.
Gay Hairdresser - If we review the facts, this gentleman has every right to refuse service to someone. Or at least he should. However, if the governor had called him and cancelled her appointments and said she'd never be using his services again because he's gay, there would be a firestorm of media crying "Hate!" and "Bigot!" Plus, what if the same standards were applied to him as were applied to the businesses already sued, threatened and run out of business? He would be forced to cut her hair or pay massive fines. That sounds like the freedom bells ringing, huh? One line from this last link is particularly striking stating, "It shows that tolerance is one way."
Gay Couple Cries Discrimination - Their florist and friend for 10 years is the violator in this story. She respects them, treats them with love & kindness and has never spoken ill of these great customers. But then she dare not participate in their ceremony with her services?? Outrageous and hateful. I couldn't believe this when I read it. Their backlash on social media sparked the politically expedient case against her by the Attorney General.
Ugandan Aid Cut - Now, I'm not a huge fan of what Uganda has done. And like most Americans, I haven't read the bill word for word. However, this stance on gays is still incredibly mild in comparison to all the countries who have Islamic militants who would hang or shoot gays (and Christians, for that matter) in the streets. And yet, our country still gives aid to some of these countries. Why the disconnect? I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that Uganda is considered a Christian nation. But then again, I could just be taking it out of proportion, right?
That's one thing I hear from my friends who aren't as conservative as I am. "Oh, Amy. You're taking this way too seriously." Am I? It's seeming to always go one way and not the other. It's like reparations for past discrepancies. What ever happened to just treating people like people and respecting them despite their differences? Instead it's a vengeance, a pay back for past harms. A blanket offense to anyone disagreeing.
Politically, I'm all for states' rights and respect these decisions made by the people therein. The gay marriage debate that was taken all the way up to the Supreme Court was deemed "not a federal issue". And yet federal judges are silencing the voices of each state's constituents where their gay marriage ban or traditional marriage definition is being declared unconstitutional. So that's one point. It's literally being forced into law.
Now let's connect how some Christians are getting caught up in the social expediency of accepting the argument on marriage equality. Or for those who are actually champions for their gay & lesbian friends getting married. Or even yet, those who are criticizing fellow Christians who choose to practice their faith in all they do "as if working for the Lord."
But that's still not the worst of it. I've been reading blogs and posts by some who are Christians and yet support their gay friends to get married. I'm reading how some of them are actually cussing over the fact that some of these Christian business owners aren't "showing the love of Jesus" through their services. And alas, some who didn't read a word of AZ's bill to protect religious beliefs of business owners accusing the writers as being hateful and bigoted towards gays despite words describing such no where to be found in the legislation. What message are we Christians sending? It's quite mixed, especially to the younger generations. And how else can a Christian business owner operate? Under the compulsion of the government when it's in direct conflict with his faith? Filter check, please.
I'm all for loving people as they are just like Jesus did. But Jesus often told people, "Go and sin no more" or "Your faith has healed you." These people were challenged to rise above alongside His compassion. Are we not to do the same? Are we to stand by our friends who are gay and applaud them in getting married? I guess you can take any other sin and insert it accordingly and ask yourself the same question again. Are we to stand by our friends who ________________ and applaud them in ________________? Insert "are pregnant" and "getting an abortion" or "love each other" and "are moving in together". Maybe "watch porn" and "broken relationships". No. Of course we wouldn't support any of those scenarios. Even if it was as "mild" as "cheat on their tests" and "passing Trig", we still would proclaim it as wrong. Or would we? It seems our moral compass is off. And it has nothing to do with the source of morality being skewed.
When we criticize Christians who stand up for the sake of the Gospel, we are a divided house that will not stand. I'm not saying you can blindly accept what all Christians are saying or doing, but what message does it send to those Christians when they did nothing wrong and receive backlash from those who claim the same faith? Romans 14 teaches us to be careful not to force our personal behavioral convictions on other believers who may have weaker faith. You may think they should be loving by letting their businesses be used for such events as the ones above. But what if their convictions won't let them? We'd be asking them to sin against their consciences. Or even the Holy Spirit! What's wrong with standing up for those Christians?
I've lost friends to this issue though. And it doesn't matter how mainstream we are. The Bible says in Ephesians 4 that we should "speak the truth in love." But it also warns not to expect a warm reception with the truth. In 2 Thessalonians, Paul writes that some hold to their wickedness despite knowing the truth. And in so, God allows them to believe the lie. These wicked of any kind, essentially, have a veil over their eyes that hides the truth from them. They have given themselves to Satan's lies.
And be warned, like the florist in the article above, that even your love isn't sufficient to reach some. Had she gone against her conviction she would be left with an empty faith for the sake of appeasing 2 people who are caught in the darkness. What then? Do we applaud her acceptance while she grieves the loss of her spiritual integrity? And she did the Biblical and honest thing by sharing why she couldn't. There was no regard for her faith. There was no mutual respect.
The Bible is very clear that we will have troubles in this life. Jesus warned the apostles that some will refuse to listen and cast them out of their cities. He also warned that he did not come to unite us as human family but as a heavenly one. Strife is consistent with the Christian life. Being persecuted for the faith is a joy to be celebrated to be counted worthy! If we relent on any sinful issue and would rather embrace people while not sharing the truth in love, what are we sacrificing? How are we glorifying Christ and His sacrifice through that?
Love does not equal indiscriminate support for any and every decision. Just like any good parent, the love happens automatically regardless of choices. But discipline and punishment come with decisions that are out of God's will. Let's be sure we are 100% clear on what love really is before we give lip service or "prove" our acceptance of others and whose glory we're really after. I want God to know that I pray for those who "persecute" me and reach out to them with His love when I can. I want God to see that my heart is true to His word while loving people who couldn't care less about my faith. And if I'm going to choose between honoring God and accepting someone's lifestyle of sin, whether it's gambling, fornication, cheating on their taxes or otherwise, I'm choosing God. And I don't apologize for that.
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