All The Single Ladies - 50th Post!

To all of the single ladies out there…

You are beautiful. 

You are worthy.

You are capable.

You can definitely be enough without a spouse!

But…

Most of you probably want one. And that's not bad. It does get bad when our hearts stray from what God intends for us to have. His fullest, biggest dreams for his children are to find peace in Him and to have a loving relationship with Him that honors who He is. However, he made us not to be alone. For most people, that means having a spouse to live alongside for the rest of our lives. 

It ain't easy. And I won't belittle the fact that it seems to be harder and harder to find good guys out there. Maybe this just feels like a room closing in on you as you approach a certain age that you just knew you'd already be married. No matter what though, having a good guy to share your life with is no small or simple task. Women all around have proven that it's not worth it to settle. Women all around have proven that it's not expedient to find a guy to marry just as a sperm donor in order to have kids. The quality of a marriage begins long before you get married. Hopefully, your parents started grooming you to become a great wife to your future husband. How? By showing you what a great wife looks like and what kind of husband a great wife should have. I am truly sorry if you don't feel that you had that kind of influence. But, regardless, you do have a brain and can read and find what God wants for you in a marriage. 

Now I've never been one for being a wimpy girl. Those who know me well know this is quite true. But I did have as a period in my life where I was wimpy in the relationship department. I allowed myself to not hold in high esteem the things I should have been looking for in a man. I ignored and excused away every red flag. And I paid for it. My heart hurt. And it wasn't the severance of the relationship that hurt the worst. That was merely a flesh wound. I hurt my soul. I hurt the very core of who I am when I chose to relent to worldly standards. That's a burn that takes a LONG time to heal. But it did by God's grace. 

So please hear my hurt & my heart, single ladies. IT AIN'T WORTH IT! No matter how much you may feel like settling or giving in will soothe your aches for love and affection and/or children, you will only end up on the path to disappointment unless God really gets a hold of that relationship to transform it to his glory. 

Please set up for yourself guidelines. Boundaries, if you will, for your heart. I wised up pretty quickly after this broken never-should-have-been relationship. I made a list that had godly and personal requirements for the man I was to marry. Notice I wasn't just focusing on dates or having fun or meeting different people. I wanted to meet him. I wanted to focus my prayers and desires of my heart on what God wanted for me in a husband. And guess what? He delivered! And I wasn't even aware. (I lack some of that women's intuition a lot of time.)

All of my list I found in Monte. Who would have thought? I mean, he was skinny. Still is. He looked 12. Barely looks 20 now. He's not a dominant personality like me. He is in no way a reflection of who everyone thought I would marry. But so what? God had a plan and knew what he was doing. We just allowed him to do it and tried our hardest to let His plan be ours. Now, 10 years later, I have no regrets and find great comfort and trust in my husband. It's remarkable and wonderful way to live. 

If you haven't done this yet (make one) or have had one for years now, keep praying over it as if your marriage depends on it. God is good! Truly. Trust in Him. 

This link is to a blog that has 12 non-negotiables in a husband. This is a helpful post to begin/revise your list. And the link at the bottom shows what men should have on their list as non-negotiables as well. That can be your springboard to better yourself in ways to prepare to be the most amazing wife possible. But maybe you won't ever get married. So in this process you have to be willing to relent that possibility. I know those words sting or cause some intense negative emotion in you. But I truly believe that if I hadn't met Monte, I may still be a single woman. Maybe it's easier for me to say that since it didn't come to pass. I get that. But I want to highly encourage you to consider that not finding that kind of love isn't the greatest loss of life on earth - losing your integrity in Christ and sense of self in order to satisfy an earthly desire is. Then having to live with those consequences. It's a steep price to pay.

The Husband List

Once you've made your list, pray over it like crazy. You should even share it with others you trust explicitly. If you just know in your heart that it'll happen, then bring in the troops and start the battle on the spiritual side! And know that you have to be willing to be receptive to a person who may not be who you alway pictured in your head. You may just pass up the greatest catch just for you. After Jesus, of course (wink)!