Yeah, there's just not a better word to describe what it means to be vulnerable. So much goes into it and so much comes out from it. And not just for those who are married.
I've been reading a book that's fascinating to me called Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I'm taking golden nuggets of goodness from it every time I sit down and curl up with my iBooks. Now she's not a Christian author, per se, and there is a very small amount of language that I wouldn't use. But her research into shame and what it means to be vulnerable, which solves our relational woes, is epic. She has interviewed thousands of people over the past 6+ years into this research. So she's getting a good grasp on it. As a social worker with her Master's in social work and her PhD in social work, she's seen a lot of shame and what keeps people locked into that shame. She thought she could correct it and put it in a nice file folder in her mind to which she would refer to when needed and handle it with the correct protocol. Nope. Sure can't! And this journey of hers has led her into a place of healing and finding peace and worth in herself to be willing to DARE GREATLY!
This book gives so much insight into vulnerability that I highly suggest it to be high on your reading list. If you don't have a reading list, start one! Your brain craves this stimulation and processing. It keeps you sharp and helps you stay adept in a world where knowledge is oozing technologically all around you.
This word vulnerability literally means "to wound" from the Latin. Ick. Why would you want that?? That's what I ask myself, especially being a woman whose primary motivation is POWER. I'm a red or a high D or Lion depending on what gauge you're using to figure me out. Being vulnerable isn't a concept easily swallowed by those who crave power. This is why you see so many politicians keep lying and lying and lying to our faces no matter how caught they are. They are unwilling to be vulnerable. In the world of politics, it may eat you up sometimes. But in the real world, it's pivotal and integral to having a meaningful and fulfilling and rewarding and rich relationship with ANYONE. And if our husbands rank first on the list of relationships, then we need to be the MOST vulnerable with him. My husband can attest that despite my tough, powerful facade, I'm not always so. But he gets me on a special level where I know I'm safe even when allowing myself to be wounded (AKA vulnerable). This is probably the crux of why the phrase "love hurts" became so widely known. It's true! And this honest phrase of 2 little words is why I type today.
You need to be willing to be vulnerable. What does this mean? It means allowing every part of you to be known and open for criticism and judgment. It's what writers do when they offer up their work. Or a songwriter or performer or painter who puts his art on display. It's that "all in" mentality where all the layers of the onion are peeled off to leave not even a smidgen of protection. This is what you need to embrace to be fully known and then to also fully know. When there's a mutual giving of oneself to another and the return is done as well, it's a magnificent masterpiece. Another snippet of the Garden of Eden for us post-sin. The intricate and minuscule facets of your being now a part of someone else's. No longer are there secrets about who you are. No longer do you hold things in to stay safe. Just the opposite. You almost turn yourself inside out.
Does that ring true in your marriage? Or any relationship you hold dear? I don't feel that being the same kind of vulnerable with your man should be the same kind of vulnerable you should be with your friends. Each relationship has its capacity and healthy expectation of vulnerability. Allow for it and watch the fruit burst forth from that submission. Mmmmm….good.
Another part of Brene's research found that those who had "shame resilience" were those who found themselves worthy. They were worthy of love, devotion, admiration, respect, being heard, and anything of which healthy people should feel worthy. I find that many women lack a sense of worth altogether for multiple reasons with multiple roots. Addressing these root and reasons will help a bounty of worthiness to flow out of her and receive the "shame resilience" that is so vital to being truly filled with joy.
So much more. As always. I'm signing off. Please allow a way for your husband to see all of you. It won't happen immediately. But over time, it can. And when you can be truly vulnerable, you can also enjoy immensely pleasurable sex with him, which just makes the whole idea of marriage sizzle even more! Whoop!
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