I've been reading Jon Acuff's Start, which instructs us how to be on the path to awesome. Part of the process, which is 4 stages, is Learning. Wow! You have to learn to be awesome. What a concept! It seems that some people just ARE awesome. But it turns out, most people who seem awesome naturally to us typically had a less than remarkable journey there. I think this applies well to your sex life. Don't you think your husband would squeal with joy (on the inside, at least) if you told him that you wanted to walk the path to awesome in your sex life?? I mean, stop and think about it. Play out that scenario. He would be utterly thrilled and need nothing else for Christmas. You want to learn how to be awesome at sex with him. Shake your head yes. Thank you.
So on our way to awesome, as sexually charged Christian wives who want to please our husbands wholeheartedly, we need to break down those 5 aspects I listed in my first post. Here's #1.
1. God decided that we LEAVE & CLEAVE to one another when we get married.
Gen 2:24, 25 - "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."
These 2 verses in the beginnings of the Bible depicting the new world God laid out are rich & full of meaning to marriage. First of all, it does clearly define that marriage is between a man & a woman. No matter what man's laws may say, God's law is tried & true & timeless. And notice it's just 1 man and 1 woman. So even if you think you are only married to 1 man, be sure that your list of loyalties doesn't keep growing so as to minimize the attention you can give to each. It's God first, husband second & kids third. Everyone else comes after in order of importance in your life. Secondly, it gives us a glimpse into how marriage was to be without sin.
"…a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,"
This shows that men are to separate from their parents and create his new home where he intimately connects with his wife on every level. So guys, living in the basement forever into your adulthood will just show some ladies that you aren't ready for your own home. It is solid when a man is on his own and can hold down the fort without his mother's help. This means he's got some responsibility and experience in taking care of his home. Pride in your living space and how you live are very attractive to most women. Some of our needs are domestic support & security. This factor fulfills 2 of our top 5 needs.
"…and they will become one flesh."
We all know what this means! It's the big finale to the actual marriage. Once this connection is made you are "united" and made to be inseparable. In 1 Cor 6 Paul speaks of how even if a man unites himself with a prostitute that they are one and references this verse in Gen. In God's eyes, this completes the union and seals the deal. This is probably also why a couple can annul a marriage if no consummation has taken place. It was only on paper but not legitimate due to lack of uniting as one. Along with this, Genesis speaks to Eden in her curse after the fall that her "desire will be for [her] husband and he will rule over [her]." So when we are married, we are agreeing to be united as one flesh with our husbands. It's part of the deal. It's the END of the deal being sealed. It's our DUTY to unite with our husbands. And furthermore, if you weren't hot on that whole uniting part and become one flesh, you shouldn't have said yes. Isn't that just unfair? And lying? But God has made it to where we desire our husbands. This should be the case but isn't always. However, is your desire to be with your husband important enough to you? Because let me tell you that it is to God. And if God is first in your life, you'll honor him with your commitment to your husband. Also in 1 Cor 7, Paul speaks of our bodies being each other's in a marriage. He goes on to instruct us to only abstain for the sake of prayer and with a mutual decision being made about it. And only "for a time" since our flesh is weak and temptation can take over if we abstain too long. So if it's been more than a week since you've done the deed, chances are your man is chomping at the bit or releasing his tensions elsewhere in some other fashion. And then we get mad about it?? Hmmmm…that's unfair. And if he's scared to even ask for it, that's so unfortunate. Give him the green light! Let him savor you in all of your womanly beauty and goodness. God said you were GOOD! He meant it.
"The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."
Only in 2 circumstances of your life are you unashamed to be naked (or should be) - early childhood and in marriage. This nakedness is a true sense of vulnerability. You are literally laid bare and exposed to the maximum extent. But the last part of that verse is often the most difficult and sometimes impossible for some people (women, mainly) to achieve: "…and they felt no shame." I would give great amounts of money (if I had it) if it would solve this problem for women. But it's a problem that stems from somewhere deep and has no real dependence on how someone looks naked. Women of all shapes, sizes & fitness levels can still struggle with this. Read an article from some supermodel and how she feels about herself. We may read that and think, "What is her problem? If I had her body…." And we begin to judge. But this insecurity and refusal to be vulnerable in nakedness is from Satan and how he's conditioned us to be ashamed of our naked bodies. Now I love all the ways we are trying to educate and encourage young girls and women to embrace their bodies. I don't think we need to show anyone exposed to get that across, really. I think that only leaves more room for judgment and criticism. If your body is less than perfect, you gotta find ways to like it or improve what is within your power. Our weakness only makes God's power look mightier. This area included. Let His power pour over your insecurity and wash it away. Trust me. Your hubby isn't taking notes on misplaced dimples, stretch marks from babies or puberty and any extra chub in different areas of your physique. And if he is, it's probably his "thing" in embracing exactly who his wife is naked. It's his body, as 1 Cor 7 also shares. As his is yours. And he definitely wants you to embrace his naked body! (Think candlelight. It's remarkably forgiving!)
1 Cor 7:3, "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband." Yes! I receive this command with joy. And persistence. I wouldn't say we're still in the Learning stage with this one on our path to awesome because we've been diligently working on this for almost 10 years. However, if you lose practice, you have to pick it back up and work at it again. All marriages go through fluxes and valleys where the sparkle factor really isn't there. But God is good and wants your marriage to be a joyful experience for you, as well as a telling example of how godly marriage IS the best way.
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