God designed us to be married for our entire lives!
Yes, well our entire life post-nuptial. There is one growing trend for people to think of marriage more as a commodity instead of a commitment where it can be disposable and/or replaced when not working or rising to expectations.
This is a topic that can stir up quite the tornado of emotions in people. Some have strong feelings for condemning divorce and others in justifying it. No matter what our personal opinions are we need to face the source of marriage and what He says about it all. He has several places in Scripture where this is discussed. The essentials are such:
1. Don't divorce. God hates it. Malachi 2:16
2. Adultery is the justifiable basis for divorce per Jesus. Matthew 19:9
3. Don't marry a divorced woman (or man). Matthew 5:32; Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18
4. Paul had another exception for a believing spouse: to allow an unbelieving spouse to leave if s/he wants, which leaves the believer able to remarry. 1 Corinthians 7:15
Biblical References to Divorce
So…….where do we go from here? Let's start at square 1. God made Adam & Eve. Eve was the complement to Adam. God saw that there needed to be a companion more like Adam that would supplement the relationship for him. First. Marriage. Ever. And notice there was no fancy ceremony. No ring. No honeymoon. No theme, colors, flower girls, boutonnieres, mothers-in-law, etc. How was marriage solidified? Good, ol' fashioned consummation. That's right. He lay with his wife or joined himself with her. Yes, erotic. But that's how God fashioned us. When our bodies unite we seal the deal.
On we go. From here we are monogamous within marriage. And for good reason. There are so many dynamics to a thriving, growing marriage that it makes it very difficult to share all of yourself with more than one person, especially at once. This monogamy unlocks the door to a whole world of intimacy with just your spouse. You can be 100% who God made you with your spouse. This bond was never taken lightly by God, and we should be wise to honor that with our actions.
I'd like to focus on #4 above since it's got some underlying context. Or at least some believe it to have such. This has been coined the "Pauline privilege", which can be summed up like this:
'According to this concept, Paul taught that if an unbelieving spouse leaves a believer, the believer is not bound to the marriage relationship, but is free to remarry" (1 Corinthians 7:15). And some people recognize such a thing as a "constructive desertion," which would be when a husband so brutalizes his wife that it is impossible to live with him any longer; or when a wife has so harassed, or brutalized her husband that it becomes impossible for him to stay with her. When that happens, whether or not the person actually moves out, the situation is the equivalent of desertion, and divorce and remarriage are permissible.'
What Does the Bible Say About Divorce And Remarriage?
I see this as having a spouse who doesn't practice the faith despite the words that come from his/her mouth or the show that goes on each Sunday. However, I am very careful to ever advise in this direction. I have a dear friend whose husband just would not stop hurting her by cheating (sex addict despite her being willing to have sex with him daily and to his standards). He constantly betrayed their marriage vows and her. I was livid! But I never told her to divorce him. Why? First of all, she was in it for a lifetime. She is a superbly godly woman who strives to exist for His glory. She did not feel led to divorce. Her husband had somewhat of a relationship with God but had not let himself be sold out to His purpose instead of his own. She was sure that God's grace is sufficient. I did tell her after a tearful phone conversation that she can have him "hand[ed] over to Satan." (1 Cor 5:5)
Now this "Pauline privilege" does expound into areas that people are much more likely to encounter than just literally having an unbelieving spouse leave you. There is abuse in some marriages that threatens more than just the emotions. And other actions that are being taken out against spouses can be considered "desertion" by this concept.
Despite this, the underwritten rule is to remain married and monogamous to each other. Let Christ so fill your lives that you each take joy in continuing in this relationship. When He is the pinnacle of your world, staying married isn't hard. And considering divorce should almost be laughable.
Marriage is no joke. More of us in the church need to be the champions of strong marriages; the more men who do this the better! God is so good and gives us this gift on earth. Our mindsets will determine whether or not we enjoy it. If you feel that you and your spouse may not make it or are struggling, please seek council from a trusted source. No marriage is immune to hardships & struggles. No marriage is too good to need counseling. You'd probably be surprised by how many great marriages have taken the time to get help. Don't let pride keep you from finding a way to mend the wounds. Your marriage will come out even better when you push through and conquer the trials!
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